No time for romance? It can be easy to feel like passing ships in the night where your partner is concerned. Life is busy! Can you remember the last time you really made time for quality time? By this, I don’t mean a film and takeaway night at the weekend. I mean time you’ve put thought into, just you and your favourite person, without any outside distractions, time for you both to reconnect as a couple, rather than just co-existing in a shared space.
When the honeymoon period has passed it can be easy to make less conscious effort because you’re comfortable. But, all relationships need attention and as they say variety is the spice of life. In this article I aim to help suggest a few ways you can make time for romance, when you feel you have no time for romance.
Put your phone down
I hold my hands up to this one and admit that I find this extremely difficult. I’ll often check it a few times during a film, over dinner, in bed, but that’s not me giving my time to my person. That’s the me that’s always distracted by the messages I’m yet to reply to, scrolling through Twitter or seeing what friends are up to on Facebook. I am not always present in the moment and in order to feel the opposite to feeling like I have no time for romance, I have to make a conscious effort to make time. Otherwise, it won’t happen. Agree a period during the evening that both phones will be switched off. In doing so, you’ll naturally find more opportunities arise for you to be romantic because you will be present.
Use the diary
It may feel the opposite to what you would do in an ideal world. I mean what’s romantic about pencilling these things into a diary? But, in reality we don’t live in romantic novel or film, and when you feel there is no time for romance, you need to both look at your schedules and work out a time and day you’ll do something together. This should include sex if it’s a struggle to find the time. Though we’d like it to be spontaneous, when you lack that quality time together and the effort levels are low, why not put it in the diary. Or least try to and see how you feel.
Pick your conversation wisely
Nothing will kill off a potentially good date night than talking about finances. Bills that need paying or nagging about the household chores, All these essential (but boring) conversations need to be banned when making time for romance. These are subjects that can potentially escalate into an argument. And there’s nothing less romantic than talking about the daily grind on a date night. These conversations can wait a day. Connect with your interests, the things you enjoy together, reminisce about old times, music. Whatever it is, it should connect you both, rather than disconnect you. You can pencil these conversations in for a Sunday morning.
Have the same bedtime
Of course, this won’t always be possible, but when it is, it’s important to go to bed at the same time as your partner, rather than one going up a few hours before the other. In doing this, you will naturally be able to spend some together. You can enjoy some late-night (and light topic) pillow talk, have a cuddle and just connect in the same place rather than opposite sides of the sofa. Once, you’re in the habit of this who knows where it might lead. This one will also feel more like natural time rather than pencilled in time.
Remember, these things are only to help you get back into the habit of making time when you feel like you have no time for romance. When you’re in the habit of prioritising your relationship like everything else, it will feel more a natural part of your routine. It’s important to not blur the lines at home so keep work life and home life separate if you can. If you’re not working, don’t check your emails. Look at your diaries and pencil in some key evenings or time every weekend that’s for each other. You could cook at home together, take a country walk, listen to your favourite artists, go to a gig, pop to the pub. It can be anything you both enjoy. Even a full night without phones.
I’d suggest starting with one night a week that’s just for you and go from there. It will definitely help your daily habits and build a relationship that lasts the distance.